Friday, 4 November 2016

On dealing will unfavourable circumstances.

So less than a year since my post about how against cutting weight I am, I agreed to take a fight where I would have to cut weight...
I managed it quite well following a legit program I'd seen work for others. When it came to the sweating part, I had less than half a kilo to loose! Nothing at all really.
So I get myself in a hot bath and think a couple 10 minute stints will be more than enough to see me to the finish line.
However I drop my phone in the water which means I can't time my session.
So I reason (stupidly) I'll just wait 'until I've got a good old dab on and call it a day.

When I felt this point had arrived and i got out, the day took a turn for the worse. I was barely in the next room before I felt completely out of it. My vision was going, I was very dizzy and so laid on the bed for a while.
I didn't want to be found naked and spread eagled by my dear mother though, so after a minute I valiantly rose to find a dry towel. I made to my brothers bedroom before finally loosing consciousness. I awoke on the floor a moment later and immediately felt that my two upper incisors, were missing.... Oh dear...

Yes I had feinted and smashed my teeth out on the end of my brothers bed.

My impatience proved my demise as I got up too quick from a hot bath.

Now we don't know whether I'll be able to keep a gum shield in without pain tomorrow.

I feel fully alert and refuelled.
Adversity has reared its head yet again before a fight but I choose not to surrender until the last.

I've worked very hard for this and need to at least try.

I see this as an exercise in fighting through adversity against unfavourable circumstances. This episode will serve as a teacher
I will learn to trust others to help when I need it and not see this as weakness.
I will learn patience.
I will learn to trust my self.
I will learn that I can bring my game in spite of what some see as a set back.
If all goes well tomorrow I'm really no worse off in the grand scheme of things.

I have felt bitterness at times throughout today and resentment towards the path I've chosen, however the fact remains I'll be dead one day and so rising to the challenge ahead with a warrior's heart, and a strong roar as I do battle can never be a mistake. I sometimes question whether I'm deluding myself, and this is ridiculous, I also think maybe it's not as bad as  it seems and I'm making mountain of a mole hill. Either way ill move in the direction of my goals with all the physical and phsycic vigour I can muster and be content with how the universe responds.

Even as i write this sentiment, a small thorn of accusation prods at my side, allegations of self doubt creep around my brain....why should I look to surrender control of the situation to the universe? Isn't that the same as saying, 'Well, it's out of my hands now'. As if I'm seeking a way to rid myself of responsibility in the event of failure.

I must stand firm and reason that I have done all I can in preparation and so now in a way; my response to the high stress situation that awaits this time tommow night is already 'programmed' (so to say) in my physiology.

The mental rollercoaster that we combatants ride is quite intriguing to observe. And perhaps this piece is just my way, out of the thousands of ways fighters choose, to deal with it. As I've said before my dear reader I write as much for me as I do for you! But if anyone reads this and finds it at all resourceful then I feel I've sent something good out to the universe...

Peace and love x